I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
