it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
