Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
try to milk me bitch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
