I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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