I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
