wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
