Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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