it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
