We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
