Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
