Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
