Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
