I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
