just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
