Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
