she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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