mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
