Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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