have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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