I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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