Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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