its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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