I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
