Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
