note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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