rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
