a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
