Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
