Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
