Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
