The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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