Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
