Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
