I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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