The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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