since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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