So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
