I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
