You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
there is glitter all over my balls
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
