Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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