before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
