Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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