Me too!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
