insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
birth control should be required to get into college
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
