honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
