how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
