Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
