I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
