I cannot find my penis.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
