I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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