so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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