Sober January is a disaster.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
