he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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