make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
