she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
