I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
